Denise and I got married last month. It has been 10 years together — from when I was 19 to 29 now.

Here are some of my thoughts on getting married, and reflecting on our relationship:

Love

Love is the highest feeling. What else can be said?

Feeling different

Before getting married, I thought that it would not feel any different being married — we had already been together for many years. I thought it would be just one more day, and the next day the same. But unexpectedly, I do feel different now.

It feels like I have crossed an invisible line, and taken the next step up. It is puzzling how life works. There are lines to step over, but one can never know what it feels like on the other side, until they do it themself. Someone can tell you what it feels like, but words do not mean anything, until one experiences it themself. 

I feel stronger. I feel more empowered. I feel I have more responsibility and duty, to look after Denise. 

Time is fleeting

Time is an illusion. We think of time as concrete, as tangible, as tactile. A form of measurement that can be described, discussed and quantified.

But that’s not how it feels at all. 10 years doesn’t feel like 10 years. I remember moments from the past to the present in equal vividness.

The present is just as mysterious and beyond understanding. We want to sit in moments, take our time to look around and absorb all there is, untouched. But time moves forward, and evaporates the scene.

Photographs help.

Every moment is a choice

Our relationship is a sequence of our choices. Every moment is a choice — which way will we go? Each moment may be small in scale itself, but adds to the great mosaic of the relationship.

Where we go is a sum of the inertia of past choices and the present choice. Good choices make good choices easier.

Being me

Going back to when we first met, the distinct feeling I remember was how I could be me with Denise. The most pure version of me — free, unrestricted, no modifications.

In different settings around different people, I felt pressure to act a certain way, to edit myself in a certain way — parts of me were expressed purely but rarely the whole. 

This was the first time I felt I was me all the time — fully seen and accepted. It was one of those distinct points in one’s life — that splits the timeline, into Before and After.