This is a personal framework for managing my emotions that I have found useful. In recent years, I have found myself naturally developing this mental model. It is only recently that I have discovered a Greek/Roman philosophy called Stoicism, which is very much alike.

The framework is about separating the stimulus and the response. The stimulus is an outside event. The response is your emotional reaction.

The stimulus might be:
1. “I got cut off my someone this morning”
2. “Someone else got the job I wanted”
3. “I didn’t score a a higher mark in that test”

The response might be:
1. “I got cut off my someone this morning”→ ANGER = “How dare they!”
2. “Someone else got the job I wanted” → JEALOUSY = “But I think I deserve it more!”
3. “I didn’t score a a higher mark in that test” → FRUSTRATION = “This isn’t fair!”

That is your reflexive conditioned response. How so? Because you have watched other people respond that way. And you have subconsciously picked that up as an appropriate way to respond.

So is that the only possible response? Not at all.

To break it down – you cannot control the stimulus, but you can control the response.

You are free to choose your response. No one can choose your response, but you. That is the key.

As Ryan Holiday says, “We don’t get to choose what happens to us. But we can always choose how we feel about it. And why would you choose to feel anything but good.”

This could be your controlled positive response.

1. “I got cut off my someone this morning”
→ “It’s no big deal. He just probably wasn’t paying attention and didn’t see me. I do that all the time too.”

2. “Someone else got the job I wanted”
→ “It’s no big deal. This is a learning opportunity, and I can work on being a stronger candidate next time.”

3. “I didn’t score a a higher mark in that test”
→ “It’s no big deal. I will learn from my mistakes, and be even more prepared next time.”

That is the secret. We always have the freedom to choose a positive response, no matter the circumstances.